Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
