sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
