i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
