Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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