Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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