dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
