Soap is not a condiment
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
