You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
