I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
