If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The maid of honor just puked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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