I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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