i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
