I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
