she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
