she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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