Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
