I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
