My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
