Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize