i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
God, I missed his penis.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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