I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
