I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
