i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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