is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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