So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize