Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
