So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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