The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
