so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So squirting runs in the family.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize