Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
