its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
