She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
