Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize