i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
