Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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