You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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