i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize