Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
