It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize