On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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