I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
