What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
