just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize