then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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