I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize