I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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