I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
