apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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