eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
