you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
