so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
