I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
