I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
