Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
