They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
