dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize