Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
