So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Text me some of your sweat
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