I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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