So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
