Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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