Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
