:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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