I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
