Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
