so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
