and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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