Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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