After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
