True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
