your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
