you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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