we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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