I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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