New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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