So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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