If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
