Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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