he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
