There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
