I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
