she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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