Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
