I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
