I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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