I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
