while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
