Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
