planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
