I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
