The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
