thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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