why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
