Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
