Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
