just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
