Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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