we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
