the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
