So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
