They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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