We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
