I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
