He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
